Every child should be a good "Citizen of the Household."
As a member of the family and a resident of your house, she should help make her home a better place to live and abide by the household rules you set. Even 3-year-olds can learn to become good citizens of the household.
What chores should be expected of your good citizen, and what work should be paid for? It's fine to pay children for weekly chores that are considered over and above their normal household duties.
But some work should be done without pay, just because children live in your house. These good citizen chores will vary from family to family. In my household, for example, children have to keep their rooms neat.
Even a 3-year-old could put her toys back in the toy box, put dirty clothes in the hamper, and help set and clear the table.
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Children also shouldn't be paid for actions that relate to personal hygiene or the development of personal responsibility, such as brushing their teeth, going to bed on time or going to the potty. The Good Citizen Chart
The completion of good citizen work isn't rewarded with pay, but young children can still be rewarded nevertheless with the use of a chart and nonmonetary treats.
On the chart, note your child's citizen of the household chores and then award gold stars for each chore completed. When a set number of gold stars are earned, treat your child to a trip to the zoo, a picnic or a video.
Make sure you give plenty of praise along with the gold stars. Reinforcement should be verbal as well as visual.
By the time your child reaches school age, gold star charts for citizens of the household chores start to seem a little babyish.
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By first grade, your child probably shouldn't need the chart-and-reward system anymore. By this time, doing such chores is just expected.
Don't surprise your children, however, by suddenly taking away the chart and gold stars.
Explain early on, "When you're in the first grade, you'll be a big girl, and there'll be all sorts of changes. You'll be able to stay up 15 minutes later at night. And you'll be too grown up for the gold star chart, so we'll stop using it. Instead, you'll still do your citizen of the household chores the way Mommy and Daddy do, just because we live here and we all pitch in and help." Teen Citizens
A major issue for teenagers is how much of a citizen do they still need to be? How much time should they still be expected to spend with the family? How many chores should they be expected to do?
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Of course, your teenager is still part of the household. Of course, she still has to abide by the family rules. But her world is becoming more and more focused, as it should be, outside the home.
In a few more years, she won't be part of the household. She will be creating her own first household: with roommates in college, in an apartment of her own, with a significant other.
Although your teenager shouldn't be expected to do everything with the family, she still should be expected to do chores. I believe strongly that teenagers need to drop any notion that the family home is "Hotel Mom and Dad," complete with room service and laundry service. As long as teenagers are living under your roof, citizen of the household rules and chores should still apply.
Here are some sample good citizen rules and chores for the teenagers in your household:
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* Curfew: A curfew can vary, but your teenager should take responsibility for keeping her own curfew.
Here's a good tip for making sure she does come in on time: Put an alarm clock outside your bedroom door. When she goes out, she has to set the clock to go off at the witching hour. If she comes in on time, she can turn off the alarm before it rings. If she doesn't make it home on time, you'll know it.
* Cars: Your teenager should be responsible for leaving the car the way she found it. This might include picking up half-empty potato chip bags off the floor, making sure the car is not running on fumes, and having the oil and windshield wiper fluid checked.
* Replacements: Teenagers have their own eating habits. But if your teenager polishes off the last quart of milk, you have the right to insist that she replace it. She should replace anything in the household that she uses up, from computer paper to toilet paper.
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Along with performing good citizen work, all children should also have to abide by household rules.
Rules and guidelines have to be set according to your own conscience, religion and values.
You know what's not okay, and you have a right and a duty to let your children know that those standards will be enforced. Make it absolutely clear what behavior is expected and make provisions for responding when children do not live up to your rules.
A household always runs on good citizenship, and good citizenship starts with a clearly defined and evenly administered code of conduct. Neale S. Godfrey, a former bank president, is an expert on family finance. Send questions to: Ask Neale, Associated Press, 50 Rockefeller Plaza, New York, N.Y. 10020-1666.
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